Tags
Women always believe the harder they love the better their men become, but a delusion is always more pleasurable to believe than reality.
23 Sunday Aug 2015
Tags
Women always believe the harder they love the better their men become, but a delusion is always more pleasurable to believe than reality.
27 Saturday Jun 2015
Tags
Addiction, Affairs, Bipolar II, Confidence, Confliction, Coping Skills, Delusions, False Sense Of Reality, Fantasies, Guilt, Hypomanic Episodes, Inflated Ego, Manic Behaviors, Manic Desires, Seduction, Self Centered, Sexy, Storyteller
Mr. Desired Man,
I had you on my mind since the moment I opened my eyes.
I strategically dressed in a skirt, red lace panties, and 4 inch heels because I knew red, lace, and heels are your thing.
I made sure my lips were full and bright red, which I knew would surely entice you.
Mr. Desired Man,
All day long I pursued you and you didn’t even know it.
I walked around and talked to people, making sure you noticed me.
After you finally acknowledged me, I began to make suggestive comments, and made it a point to tell you I had red lace panties on; inspired by you.
I even wrote you a note you couldn’t resist.
Mr. Desired Man,
You couldn’t resist me, but I already knew that.
You got what you wanted and you gave me what I wanted.
Mr. Desired Man,
The way you took control of my body, and kissed me so passionately; you took me to a place I haven’t been. Everything you did sent me so high into the clouds. I didn’t want to stop flying.
I completely forgot about my surroundings.
Mr. Desired Man,
What you didn’t know was that I was hiding a secret;
I was having a manic episode.
What you should know is that you fulfilled my manic desires beyond expectation, which gave me a natural high.
Mr. Desired Man,
The feeling of being on a natural high is better then any drug can give. Thank you for giving my mania something great to do. There’s no telling when I would come down from the clouds.
Nothing lasts forever…
Mr. Selfish Man,
He tells me we need to do the right thing.
He says this can never happen again.
He tells me he “loves me but”…
Save it Mr. Selfish Man.
I’ve heard this story before.
Mr. Selfish Man,
You are correct, we need to do the right thing,
But Mr. Selfish Man,
You did something terribly wrong.
You pulled me out of my manic clouds.
The only time I almost reached euphoria and you took it away.
Mr. Selfish Man,
I am not sure I can forgive you,
But I love you because of the places you’ve taken me.
Goodbye Mr. Selfish Man.
03 Wednesday Jun 2015
Posted My Mind vs. Normal
inTags
Addiction, Bipolar II, Boderline Personality Disorder, Confusion, Coping Skills, Depression, Disappointed, Fantasies, Hate, Mental Illnesses
The mind.
Who can understand it?
My mind.
No one can understand it.
I close my eyes and consider my surroundings.
I take a deep breath and for a second I feel relief.
When I open my eyes again,
Nothing has changed.
What a disappointment.
People are a disappointment.
What would my world be like without any people?
Would I feel free?
Would I still be chasing that first high?
Though I despise people,
They can potentially have exactly what I want.
I loathe men.
But they can give me what I want.
My wants always seem to be the product of my fantasies.
I want to get lost in my fantasies.
Give me a bottle of Xanax and a fifth of vodka and I could be in the clouds.
My mind.
All of these thoughts are a result of my divergent mind.
My mind.
I don’t even try to understand it.
31 Sunday May 2015
Posted Temptation and Lies
inTags
Addiction, Affairs, Betrayed, Broken hearted, Confliction, Confusion, Delusions, Fantasies, Illusions, Moving On, Obsessed, The Holy Spirit Speaks
Tell me you love me even if it’s a lie.
Give me intimacy even if you have to fake it.
You tell me you will give me all of my desires.
What I desire is true commitment.
Can you give me that?
What I desire is a family.
Is that possible?
You have told me you love me even before I told you to pretend.
You use these tactics to pull me back in.
In my state of desperation even your hands running down my arm feels irresistible.
The battle in my mind does not let me rest.
Logic tells me I have to leave you alone.
The flesh tells me I need you.
I can give in and feel used, ignored, and manipulated afterwards.
OR
I can listen to the Holy Spirit telling me beforehand I will feel used, ignored, and manipulated because he will go back to his family.
It’s time to protect myself.
You can’t have me anymore because I deserve more.
29 Friday May 2015
Posted Love and Break Ups
inTags
Break Up, Broken hearted, Confliction, Confusion, Delusions, Disappointed, Fantasies, Freedom, Illusions, Letting Go, Love, Moving On
Lover,
There’s something I need to tell you,
I had a vision and in my vision we were the happiest couple ever.
In my vision we didn’t have eyes for anyone, but each other.
Lover,
In my vision we had a family with no one else to interfere.
Lover,
In my vision I didn’t have to worry about anything. You were a whole man, who provided and protected.
Lover,
In my vision when I cried you comforted me and wiped away my tears.
Lover,
In my vision the only greater priority you had above me was the Almighty Father God.
Lover,
Suddenly my vision began to change.
Lover,
In my vision our perfect family started to disappear one by one.
Lover,
In my vision I could no longer see your handsome face.
Lover,
In my vision I could only see you as a silhouette.
Lover,
In my vision I cried. My heart was deeply saddened by the thought of losing you.
Lover,
Do you know what happened when I went to touch your face?
You vanished.
I stood in front of a mirror in my vision and the truth was revealed to me.
Lover,
You have never existed.
Lover,
I have been in love with a fantasy.
Lover,
You are a ghost.
Man,
It is time to let you go.
Time to forget about how many years I believed you were the lover in my mind.
Man,
My vision showed me I have never loved you.
Man,
My vision showed me that you were only a vessel where I hid the lover of my fantasies.
Lover,
You are perfect in every way.
Lover,
I will forever long for you.
Lover,
I will always love you.
I’m sorry Lover,
I have to let you go because I am in love with a ghost that can never truly fulfill me.
Goodbye Lover.