Tags
Abused, Adversary, Betrayed, Bipolar II, Bondage, Damaged Goods, Defeated, Depression, Empty Promises, Evilness, Faith, Father and Creator, Grace, Great Comforter, Jesus is King, Lonely, Mercy, Paradise, Promise, Sanctified, Saved, Suicidal Side Effects, The Holy Spirit Speaks, Unconditional Love
My God,
Please help me.
I am barely hanging on to you by a string.
My God,
Satan tells me I’m worthless.
He tells me no one really cares about me.
He tells me this life is pointless.
My God,
Do you hear these things?
My God,
Do you feel the pain in my heart and my body that feels hollow?
My God,
I don’t even have the strength to keep fighting.
My God,
I tell myself I can’t end it because if I do I won’t get to meet you.
I won’t get to be with you in paradise.
Still the voice keeps telling me to do it.
It keeps telling me you’ll forgive me because I’m sick once I face you at judgment,
My God,
Part of me believes him; I can’t keep secrets from you.
My God,
The more I think about it, the more intense the feeling becomes.
I started to envision the plan.
The plan was simple.
Not like the old days.
No guns or ropes involved.
All I have to do is take all of my own pills, lay in my bed, and goodnight forever you terribly disappointing world.
My God,
I have to tell you,
The Spirit you put inside of me started speaking louder than my adversary’s.
My pain started to lift very slowly, my eyes started to see a little more clearer, and my brain was less foggy.
My God,
The Holy Spirit flashed a vision across my mind.
That vision was of Eve curiously listening to the serpent.
I watched her considering it in her mind thinking,” God wouldn’t condemn me. He is too loving for that.”
And with that came the fall of man.
My God,
Even though I’m holding on to you by a thin string, the reason that I don’t let go is because of you, my Beautiful Lord.
You never break your promises Dear God, and you promised me paradise as long as I proclaim your Son.
My God,
You are the reason I keep going in this corrupt world.
My God,
You have reminded me that nothing happens that hasn’t been filtered through you first.
My God,
You are the only reason I will never give up because I fear you, I love you, and you always stick to your Word.
I love you my God because you loved me first.